LA Times Crossword Answers 13 Nov 12, Tuesday

CROSSWORD SETTER: Jeff Chen
THEME: As If! … Today’s theme answers all have the clue “As if!”

17A. “As if!” AIN’T GONNA HAPPEN!
27A. “As if!” NO WAY, JOSE!
38A. “As if!” DREAM ON!
46A. “As if!” YEAH RIGHT!
57A. “As if!” FAT CHANCE OF THAT!

COMPLETION TIME: 08m 13s
ANSWERS I MISSED: 0

Today’s Wiki-est, Amazonian Googlies
Across
1. College donor, often ALUM
An “alumnus” (plural … alumni) is a graduate or former student of a school or college. The female form is “alumna” (plural … alumnae). The term comes into English from Latin, in which alumnus means foster-son or pupil.

13. Mount Olympus wife HERA
In Greek mythology, Hera was the wife of Zeus and was noted for her jealousy and vengeful nature, particularly against those who vied for the affections of her husband. The equivalent character to Hera in Roman mythology was Juno. Hera was the daughter of Cronus and Rhea.

16. Novelist Zola EMILE
The most famous work of French writer Émile Zola is his 1898 open letter “J’Accuse!” written to then French president Félix Faure. It was published on the front page of a leading Paris newspaper, and accused the government of anti-Semitism in its handling of the trial of Captain Alfred Dreyfus. Dreyfus was a Jewish military officer in the French army, falsely accused and convicted of spying for Germany. Even after the error was discovered, the government refused to back down, choosing to let Dreyfus rot away on Devil’s Island rather than admit to the mistake. It wasn’t until 1906, 12 years after the wrongful conviction, that Dreyfus was freed and reinstated, largely due to the advocacy of Emile Zola.

20. Halley’s sci. ASTR
Edmond Halley was an English astronomer who lived at the turn of 17th and 18th centuries. In 1705 he declared that comet sightings recorded in 1456, 1531, 1607 and 1682 were in fact observations of the same comet returning to fly by Earth at regular intervals. He predicted that this comet would return in 1758, and he was right, and so the comet was named after him. Sadly, Halley didn’t live long enough to see his prediction come true.

25. ’60s counterculturist Timothy LEARY
Leary was a psychologist and writer, an icon of the sixties counterculture and a promoter of the use of LSD. Leary popularized the phrase “Turn On, Tune In, Drop Out” in the sixties. After he died, some of Leary’s ashes were “buried” in space, launched aboard a rocket that contained the ashes of 24 other people including “Star Trek” creator Gene Roddenberry.

34. Jacob’s brother ESAU
Esau was the twin brother of Jacob, the founder of the Israelites. When their mother Rebekah gave birth to the twins, “the first emerged red and hairy all over (Esau), with his heel grasped by the hand of the second to come out (Jacob)”. As Esau was the first born, he was entitled to inherit his father’s wealth (it was his “birthright”). Instead, Esau sold his birthright to Jacob for the price of a “mess of pottage” (a meal of lentils).

35. Niagara Falls prov. ONT
For well over a century now, the twin cities of Niagara Falls, New York and Niagara Falls, Ontario have been popular honeymoon destinations. Niagara Falls got a boost as a honeymoon destination in 1953 with the release of “Niagara”, a film noir starring Marilyn Monroe and Joseph Cotton.

36. Gorky Park city MOSCOW
Gorky Park is an amusement park notably in Moscow, but also in several other Russian cities. The park is named for Maxim Gorky, a Russian author. Famously, the park was featured in the novel and film called “Gorky Park”.

48. Pal of Threepio ARTOO
Artoo’s proper name is R2-D2. R2-D2 is the smaller of the two famous droids from the “Star Wars” movies. British actor Kenny Baker, who stands just 3 ft 8 ins tall, has been the man inside the R2-D2 droid for all six of the “Star Wars” movies.

C-3PO, Threepio for short, is the “protocol droid” appearing in all six “Star Wars” movies.

52. One might say “shay” for “say” LUSH
“Lush” is a slang term for a heavy drinker. Back in the 1700s, “lush” was slang for “liquor”.

61. Honolulu hello ALOHA
The Hawaiian word “Aloha” has many meanings in English: affection, love, peace, compassion and mercy. More recently “aloha” has come to mean “hello” and “goodbye”, but only since the mid-1800s.

63. Sculling gear OARS
A scull is a boat used for competitive rowing. The main hull of the boat is often referred to as a shell.

64. Headwear in iconic Che posters BERET
Ernesto “Che” Guevara was born in Argentina, and in 1948 he started to study medicine at the University of Buenos Aires. While at school he satisfied his need to “see the world” by taking two long journeys around South America, the story of which are told in Guevara’s memoir later published as “The Motorcycle Diaries”. While travelling, Guevara was moved by the plight of the people he saw and their working conditions and what he viewed as capitalistic exploitation. In Mexico City he met brothers Raul and Fidel Castro and was persuaded to join their cause, the overthrow of the US-backed government in Cuba. He rose to second-in-command among the Cuban insurgents, and when Castro came to power Guevara was influential in repelling the Bay of Pigs Invasion and bringing Soviet nuclear missiles to the island. Guevara left Cuba in 1965 to continue his work as a revolutionary. He was captured by Bolivian forces in 1967, and was executed. Fidel Castro led the public mourning of Guevara’s death, and soon the revolutionary was an icon for many left-wing movements around the world.

Down
2. Film heroine with memorable buns LEIA
Princess Leia was played by Carrie Fisher in the original “Star Wars” trilogy. Carrie Fisher has stated that she hated the famous “cinnamon bun hairstyle” that she had to wear in the films, as she felt it made her face look too round. She also had to to sit for two hours every day just to get her hair styled. Two hours to get your hair done? It takes me just two seconds …

3. Java vessels URNS
Back in 1850, the name “java” was given to a type of coffee grown on the island of Java, and the usage of the term spread from there.

4. “Grumpy Old Men” co-star MATTHAU
The actor Walter Matthau was born in the Lower East Side of New York City. Matthau is remembered for many collaborations on the big screen with Jack Lemmon. Matthau and Lemmon passed away within a year of each other, both having suffered from colon cancer, and are buried in the same cemetery in Los Angeles.

6. Modern caller ID, perhaps RINGTONE
The basic technology behind caller ID was developed in Athens, Greece by “Ted” Paraskevakos in the late sixties and early seventies. The man should be made a saint …

7. Part of A.D. ANNO
The designations Anno Domini (AD, “year of Our Lord”) and Before Christ (BC) are found in the Julian and Gregorian calendars. The dividing point between AD and BC is the year of the conception of Jesus, with AD 1 following 1 BC without a year “0” in between. The AD/BC scheme dates back to AD 525, and gained wide acceptance soon after AD 800. Nowadays a modified version has become popular, with CE (Common/Christian Era) used to replace AD, and BCE (Before the Common/Christian Era) used to replace BC.

9. Wrigley Field judges UMPIRES
The famous ballpark that is home to the Chicago Cubs was built in 1914. Back then it was known as Weegham Park, before becoming Cubs Park when the Cubs arrived in 1920. It was given the name Wrigley Field in 1926, after the owner William Wrigley, Jr. of chewing gum fame.

11. Red Skelton character Kadiddlehopper CLEM
Red Skelton was an American comedian who started out in show business as a teenager working with the circus. Skelton had a very successful career on radio before moving to television in the early fifties. His popularity only began to fade in the early seventies, when he had difficulty appealing to younger audiences. Skelton spent less time performing in his latter years, and turned to his other great love … painting.

24. Greenland coastal feature FJORD
A drowned valley might be called a ria or a fjord, both formed as sea level rises. A ria is a drowned valley created by river erosion, and a fjord is a drowned valley created by glaciation.

26. Company that rings a bell? AVON
In 1886, a young man called David McConnell was selling books door-to-door. To enhance his sales numbers he was giving out free perfume to the ladies of the houses that he visited. Seeing as his perfume was more popular than his books, he founded the California Perfume Company in New York City and started manufacturing and selling across the country. The company name was changed to Avon in 1939, and the famous “Avon Calling” marketing campaign was launched in 1954.

28. Green grouch OSCAR
Oscar the Grouch is the Muppet that lives in a garbage can. Oscar’s persona comes from various sources. He is named after Oscar Brand who was one of the board members of the Children’s Television Workshop, the backers for Sesame Street as the Muppets were being developed in the sixties. Oscar’s personality was inspired by an angry waiter that once served Jim Henson (father of the Muppets). And the voice was modeled on a grumpy New York cab driver encountered one day by Caroll Spinney, the puppeteer who brings Oscar to life.

29. “Star Trek” velocity measure WARP FACTOR
In the “Star Trek” universe, warp speed is very much like our real-world Mach number. Just as a plane traveling at Mach 1 is moving at the speed of sound, a starship traveling at warp factor 1 is moving at the speed of light. Mach 2 is twice the speed of sound, and warp factor 2 is twice the speed of light. Cool, huh …?

32. Bar mitzvah reading source TORAH
A Jewish girl becomes a Bat Mitzvah at 12 years of age, the age at which she becomes responsible for her actions. Boys become Bar Mitzvahs at 13. The terms translate into English as daughter and son of the commandments.

36. Java order MOCHA
Mocha is a port city in Yemen on the Red Sea, once the principal port for the capital city of Sana’a. Mocha was the major marketplace in the world for coffee until the 1600s, and gave its name to the Mocha coffee bean.

38. Off! ingredient DEET
DEET is short for N,N-Diethyl-meta-toluamide, an active ingredient in insect repellents. DEET is most often used to repel mosquitoes by applying it to the skin and/or clothing. It is also used to protect against tick bites.

39. Mike, to Archie MEATHEAD
The great director and actor Rob Reiner first came to prominence playing “Meathead”, Archie and Edith Bunker’s son-in-law in “All in the Family”. Since then, Reiner has directed a long string of hit movies including, “The Princess Bride”, “Stand by Me”, “This Is Spinal Tap”, “When Harry Met Sally”, “Misery” and “A Few Good Men”.

42. Upscale sports car PORSCHE
Porsche was founded in 1931 in Stuttgart, Germany by Professor Ferdinand Porsche. The company didn’t produce cars at first, but worked on design and development. The first big job awarded to the company was from the German government, to design a car for the people. The design that Porsche came up with was the Volkswagen Beetle. Yep, the VW Beetle is a Porsche design …

47. Dennis the Menace’s dog RUFF
“Dennis the Menace” is a comic strip that first appeared in 1951, originally drawn by Hank Ketcham. The strip made the jump over the years from the newspaper to television and the silver screen. Dennis’s full name is Dennis Mitchell, and his parents are Henry and Alice (Johnson) Mitchell. Dennis’s nemesis is his neighbor, Mister George Everett Wilson. Hank Ketcham drew his inspiration for the story from his real life. When he introduced the strip he had a 4-year-old son called Dennis, and a wife named Alice.

49. Pay extension? -OLA
Payola is the illegal practice of paying radio stations or disk jockeys to repeatedly play a particular piece of music. The impetus behind the crime is that the more often a song is played, the more likely it is to sell. The term “payola” comes from the words “pay” and “Victrola”, an RCA brand name for an early phonograph.

53. Craig Ferguson, by birth SCOT
The Scottish stand-up comedian Craig Ferguson is best known these days as host of CBS’s “The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson”. For several years Ferguson played Drew Carey’s boss on “The Drew Carey Show”.

58. Monopoly token HAT
There are 12 metal tokens used in Monopoly these days, including the hat. Two tokens, the battleship and the cannon (aka howitzer), were added to the Monopoly game set as part of a recycling exercise. The pieces were intended for the game “Conflict” released in 1940, but when Parker Bros. pulled the game off the market due to poor sales, they added their excess battleships and cannons to Monopoly.

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For the sake of completion, here is a full listing of all the answers:
Across
1. College donor, often ALUM
5. 401(k) cousin, briefly IRA
8. Garden ground cover MULCH
13. Mount Olympus wife HERA
14. Break bread DINE
16. Novelist Zola EMILE
17. “As if!” AIN’T GONNA HAPPEN!
20. Halley’s sci. ASTR
21. Full of vitality GO-GO
22. Ideological suffix -ISM
23. Lift with effort HEFT
25. ’60s counterculturist Timothy LEARY
27. “As if!” NO WAY, JOSE!
31. Rants about the boss, e.g. VENTS
34. Jacob’s brother ESAU
35. Niagara Falls prov. ONT
36. Gorky Park city MOSCOW
37. Like hor. puzzle answers ACR
38. “As if!” DREAM ON!
40. Hostility IRE
41. Started, as a keg TAPPED
43. P.I. TEC
44. Hypnotic trance breaker SNAP
45. “Friend __?” OR FOE
46. “As if!” YEAH RIGHT!
48. Pal of Threepio ARTOO
50. Not at all droopy TAUT
51. Intro makers MCS
52. One might say “shay” for “say” LUSH
54. Inevitable end FATE
57. “As if!” FAT CHANCE OF THAT!
61. Honolulu hello ALOHA
62. Egg on GOAD
63. Sculling gear OARS
64. Headwear in iconic Che posters BERET
65. Many ESPN fall highlights TDS
66. Way to be tickled PINK

Down
1. Cry of enlightenment AHA
2. Film heroine with memorable buns LEIA
3. Java vessels URNS
4. “Grumpy Old Men” co-star MATTHAU
5. Rite words I DO
6. Modern caller ID, perhaps RINGTONE
7. Part of A.D. ANNO
8. Drop-line link ME A
9. Wrigley Field judges UMPIRES
10. Mouthing the lyrics LIP SYNCING
11. Red Skelton character Kadiddlehopper CLEM
12. Cooped-up layer HEN
15. Bird on old quarters EAGLE
18. Earl __ tea GREY
19. Groundbreaking tool HOE
24. Greenland coastal feature FJORD
26. Company that rings a bell? AVON
27. “Marvy!” NEATO!
28. Green grouch OSCAR
29. “Star Trek” velocity measure WARP FACTOR
30. Word in many university names STATE
32. Bar mitzvah reading source TORAH
33. Didn’t lose a game SWEPT
36. Java order MOCHA
38. Off! ingredient DEET
39. Mike, to Archie MEATHEAD
42. Upscale sports car PORSCHE
44. Perch on SIT ATOP
46. Like babes YOUNG
47. Dennis the Menace’s dog RUFF
49. Pay extension? -OLA
51. Stallion or bull MALE
53. Craig Ferguson, by birth SCOT
55. Asian tongue THAI
56. Bring home EARN
57. “Marvy!” FAB!
58. Monopoly token HAT
59. Has too much, briefly ODS
60. Clucking sound TSK

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